You’ve finally met your prince on a white horse. Congratulations! He behaves nicely, talks nicely, you like his friends and he even looks nice. You start spending more and more time together and begin considering becoming a couple. The problem is, when he calls you, you don’t feel butterflies in your stomach, you barely respond to the message, and you persistently “invent” some new flaws for him. What’s the deal? Does this sound like something that’s happening to you? If so, you might be self-sabotaging your relationship. So you ask yourself the question “Why do I self-sabotage relationships?”.
Signs of self-sabotaging relationships
There are many signs that you may tend to self-sabotage even the best relationships. Here are some of the most common signs.
Looking for an emergency exit
You avoid anything that leads to great commitment. Let’s say getting to know your loved ones, parents, and friends.
You always wonder what if something goes wrong, what if they can’t see it, and so on. In such situations you always look for a button to exit your current surroundings to avoid this “what if?”.
You have extremely low self-esteem
You always talk about yourself in self-deprecating ways: “I’m not as smart as you.” “I’m just an idiot, why are you with me?” “You’re just with me because you pity me,” and the works. This is a sign of extremely low self-esteem. Most people don’t enjoy dating someone who has low self-esteem. When, despite their constant reassurance that you’re a good person, you keep tearing yourself down, they may give up and break up with you.
You’re angry because your partner isn’t fulfilling your desires the way they should
If you don’t communicate with your partner, let them know what you want and what’s bothering you at some point. You need to know that you’re in a relationship with a person and not with a psychic. You might even get mad that your partner can’t read your mind. However, you’re overlooking the fact that no one can do this. As well, it’s not your partner’s job to constantly try to read you and try to figure out what you want or how you feel.
You’ve been rejected in the past
If you’ve experienced a broken heart in the past and you have extremely low self-esteem,you’re probably afraid of being rejected again. This is a form of abandonment and sends you into defensive mode from the start. You could start putting up walls or pushing people away before they can hurt you. When things start to get more serious, you could panic and worry that it will all end and you will have a broken heart again. You push them away so that if things end, it was because you decided you should, and not because the other person turned you down. Your past rejection may not have been a romantic relationship. Maybe one or both parents mistreated you, didn’t show you love, or were absent for all or part of your childhood. This can have a big impact on how you approach relationships in your adult life.
You try to make them jealous
If you’re chatting to an ex or flirting with someone when you know it’ll make your partner uncomfortable, there’s a strong chance you’re doing it to subconsciously damage your relationship with them. Jealousy is an ugly characteristic. Any person in a relationship wants to know that they are with someone who is fully devoted to them and to them alone.
You care too much about what other people think
For some people, the opinions of others far exceed the opinions of their partners. This can be very detrimental to a relationship. Let’s say other people judge your partner for their physical appearance. You then become so hesitant to believe everything you hear and shake your opinion of your partner and your relationship.
How to stop self-sabotaging relationships?
Like any part of growing up and making major decisions, the most important thing is to know what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. If you came to this part of the article and realized that you’re the one who loves sabotaging your relationships then read these 3 tips that will surely help you a lot.
● Unpack your feelings
First of all, think about why you do such things. Peek deep inside yourself and find out if you’re behaving like this only in this relationship or if your actions have been a part of your habit for a long time. Think about how your partner is feeling. Self-awareness is key to changing any type of behavior, so it is important to understand “ Why do I self-sabotage relationships”? We’ve listed some common causes of relationship sabotage above but consider further what might be yours. Seemingly small things can creep into our minds and create some false conclusions that we perceive as true. We begin to believe in these things and live our lives accordingly:
● Talk to your close friends
For everything we do or how we behave, only we know the reason. No one can get into our heads and understand us.
However, sometimes we don’t understand ourselves and we need to talk to other people who are close to us.
People who know and understand you will advise you and give you the advice you need because they might have noticed some of your characteristics that aren’t apparent to you. They can point out your flaws and suggest to you how you can fix them. They can help you create a real relationship with your romantic partner. We were not born to be alone. Remember that!
● Talk to your partner
This probably sounds scary, especially if you’re constantly behaving horribly towards your partner. If you constantly push them away from you and look for flaws in them , it’s normal that you will sometimes feel guilty. The most important thing is that you’re aware of yourself and that you’re unable to change. Talk to your partner and admit that certain aspects of your behavior were unacceptable. You mustn’t make excuses for it, if you’ve hurt them, they need to know you’re sorry and won’t do it again. You can have a separate conversation about it. For now, let them know that you’re aware of your actions, that you’re not justifying your behavior, and that you’re sincerely sorry.
Are you ready to end your bad habit?
Expecting your partner to think, feel, and act the same way you do is another form of self-sabotage. Rigid thinking is an unhealthy way of life and can cause great stress and disrupt your relationship. Accepting and appreciating the diversity of experiences, understanding, and ultimately the way the world identifies your partner is the only way you can truly happily coexist with each other and stop self sabotaging relationships.