„How are we going to make it through this?“ The home quarantine can be quite a challenge for married couples. Spending all of your time indoors with your spouse in a confined space, with no end in sight can put a significant strain on the nerves, as well as your marriage.
What can you expect from this period? A lot!
And it’s not all roses and sunshine!
Does Day 7 of your quarantine look something like this?
Some say it’s a real test for any marriage. You should know how to draw boundaries and set your daily tempo in a way that will work for both of you. Even then, there are a lot of challenges ahead.
Let’s get into that.
Quarantine can test any relationship!
First of all, we have to know that the current situation brings out stress, anxiety, and fear in most of us. The strain on the nerves because of what’s happening in the world, the constant presence of your spouse and a lot of time on your hands can evoke underlying conflicts.
They can manifest directly or in a thousand little ways like chewing loudly, leaving your slippers upside down or not washing your hands long enough. Even if you don’t have a fight, if there are negative emotions underneath, they will find a way to surface.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me!
It’s important not to suppress your emotions. Just like trying to force a lid onto a boiling pot, it doesn’t work. Instead, you need to find a way to have and maintain open communication channels. If your partner does the same, you can probably work it out. After all, you got married for a reason.
Or can you work it out?
Quarantined Couples are Filing for Divorce
Time spent together, instead of bringing partners closer, causes some married couples to come to the conclusion it’s time, at least when the crisis is over, to move on.
We often take our daily routines for granted. We don’t take into consideration that going to work, having personal social circles and resting takes a lot of time during the day. So it’s much easier to enjoy and appreciate the leftover time we share with our partner.
But when time with your spouse is all you have, things can get pretty bumpy, pretty fast.
It is a well-known fact divorce rates go up after holidays when people spend a lot of time together. Current situation enhances that, a lot! During the quarantine in China, over ten million people were forced to stay at home in the Shaanxi Province. When the restrictions lifted, the divorced rate spiked record high.
Here is conflict specialist Michelle Rozen’s take on Do You Really Qualify for Divorce?
However, it doesn’t have to be the case with your marriage! Just play it smart!
How Not to Tank Your Marriage in Quarantine
When cohabitating during quarantine, people need to learn to give each other space. In this time, we need to distance ourselves from other people. But, it’s also normal to have some distance from your spouse. At least for limited periods of time. Even if that means you each pick a room or a part of your sofa just for yourself.
Husbands are the best people to share secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone, because they aren’t even listening.
Me time is important for every healthy relationship. So are space, boundaries, a routine that works, fun and respect.
Space – both physical and emotional. You need to learn how to give it and ask it for yourself.
Boundaries – be clear about what’s OK and what’s not OK for you. Find a compromise with your partner and stick to it.
A routine that works – Just because you can spend all day in your pajamas, doesn’t mean you should actually spend all day in your pajamas. Don’t spend all of your time in front of a screen. Find a functioning routine full of things to do. Even if it’s just cleaning the apartment and folding your clothes, do it! Throw some chores and activities on paper, stick it on the fridge and have a schedule. Less idle time on your hands, the better!
Fun – do something fun with your partner! Being at home doesn’t mean life is put on hold. We made a pretty wild list of Top 9 Things to do at home that you didn’t think of! It’s full of surprises you will love!
Respect – respect your partner and expect respect in return.
If you have kids, that adds another dimension to your time in quarantine. But there are a lot of fun ways to cope. Read about it in Indoor Parenting: How to Keep Children Happy at Home?
Couples that survive quarantine together, stay together
On the other hand – not all couples will have gloomy quarantines. When you’re solid and in love, extra time together can be like a second honeymoon.
No bringing stress home from work. No outside fuss. Just the bliss of the person you love close to you. Just the bliss of marriage, as it should be.
I love being married! It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life!Rita Rudner
Even those with certain issues have a chance at working them out. You have time, if you trust one another, let it all out, calmly and respectfully and see what you can work on.
Where there is love, nothing can be a big enough obstacle. Not even quarantine.