Now a days, remarriage is a common occurrence. You get married but then realize it’s not the right relationship for you. You may have dated your partner for a long time before you got married. On the other hand, you may have dated your partner for a short time before you got married. However, in either case in terms of time spent while dating, a clear fact is that people change when they become married.
As it’s a clear fact that people change when they become married, it’s easy for the person that you initially fell in love with and wed with becomes a stranger to you. Sometimes relationships don’t work out and it takes a supposed commitment for this to become apparent.
If your relationship fails after a marriage…?
If your relationship fails after a marriage, don’t force yourself to stick with your promise that you stated during your wedding ceremony. This is unfair to you and your partner. After all, if your relationship isn’t right for you it probably isn’t right for your spouse either. A toxic marriage can leave you and your partner feeling devoid of happiness. Depression usually ensures which can wreak havoc on your mental health and their mental health too. So, do yourself and your partner a favour. Break up your first marriage.
However, after you break up from your first marriage, you shouldn’t feel like love doesn’t exist for you in any shape or form. Just because your previous relationship didn’t work out, it shouldn’t stop you from getting remarried.
Everyone has a perfect partner who’s out there and waiting for you. Don’t let your hurt feelings from your previous relationship stop you from getting into your second marriage. With a little luck and no feelings of fear of another failure or guilt for a new relationship, you’ll enter into the right marriage in no time.
What is a blended family?
Dating a woman with kids is very common. In fact, a study by PEW Research Centre done in 2013 have stated that 67% of adults that are in the age group of 55-64 who had become divorced got remarried.
This number is interesting for two reasons. The first reason why this statistic is interesting is that 67% is the majority of people who have gotten divorced got remarried. The second reason why this statistic is interesting is that the age range for this statistic is 55-64.
When you’r in the age range of 55- 64 and have been in a past relationship, there’s a great possibility that you have your own child or your own children already before you enter your second marriage. In fact, there’s a great possibility that your new partner will also have their own child or their own children already.
When two people start a new family with children from their previous family, this is called a blended family.
Distancing yourself from stepchildren – What defines stepchildren?
If you enter into a blended family, you will encounter a new role.
First off, you will now be a step parent. A step parent is parent that has no biological ties to a child but is the mom or dad of that child. Therefore, you are not your step kids biological parent, but you are a stepmom or a stepdad to your step kids.
Secondly, you now have stepchildren. Stepchildren are defined as children that came from your partner’s past relationship. Stepchildren could include a a stepdaughter or a stepson. However, despite wether it be a stepson or a stepdaughter, you’re now their stepparent.
How to survive stepchildren?
Although there are countless fairy tales consisting of a cruel stepmom who seeks to destroy her step kids, in reality, the opposite can commonly be the case. It’s not unheard of for step kids to treat their new stepparent with hostility. After all, these step kids probably loved their previous family dynamic and didn’t want that to change. As a result, they might see you and this new blended family situation as less then preferred. They might even blame you from breaking up their original family unit.
As a result, your new stepchildren might exhibit bad behavior towards you and to the entire family. So how do you survive this toxic new stepfamily?
Distancing yourself from stepchildren – How to deal with toxic stepchildren?
The best way to survive bad behavior inflicted on you by your new step children is to distance yourself from them. It’s important to set boundaries in every relationship. This includes the case for mom and dad in regards to their children, biological or not.
How to distance yourself from stepchildren?
One way to deal with toxic stepchildren is to distance yourself from them.
When you enter a new family, you aren’t obligated to be a full time parent to your new stepchildren. Usually, your new stepchildren are old enough to take care of themselves.
As a result, it’s perfectly fine and safe for you to distance yourself from your step son or step daughter as much as you can or want to. Feel free to spend time out of the house when your step children are home. As well, feel free to let your stepchildren be home alone.
If you have grown up step kids, let them be out of the house as much as you think is acceptable. Let your step kids go to parties, go to lessons, go to extra curricular as you see reasonable. If you force your step kids to stay home, you’ll only make them despise you more.
How to disengage with stepchildren?
Another way to deal with toxic stepchildren is to disengage yourself from them. Instead of focusing on your step kids, focus on yourself. Focus on your career, your passions, and your health.
You can disengage with your stepchildren by shifting your focus and care to yourself. Treat yourself with love and care. Schedule time into your day to pamper yourself.
As well, don’t forget that you aren’t alone in this family unit. No, not your step kids, I’m talking about your new partner. Schedule a date night with you are your new spouse without their kids. Go out to a special place and spend a romantic evening with them. In fact, you can go on a prolonged trip with your new partner for a few days or even for a few months without the step kids.
Distancing yourself from stepchildren – How to ignore stepchildren?
Although the above suggestions are preferred, sometimes the above suggestions aren’t always possible. For example, your new stepchildren might be home more often than not. As well, there calls for certain events where you are going to be forced to spend time with your stepchildren and they’ll be forced to spend time with you. Adding on, your new step kids might be too young to be alone.
In these situations, you can always ignore your step kids. To ignore your step kids, all that you do is not get involved in their lives. Don’t ask your step kids personal questions to try and get to know them better. Let your stepchildren live their lives and they will, hopefully, let you live yours too.
Of course, don’t be mean. If you need something or your stepchildren need something, don’t ignore the situation. Don’t ignore your stepchildren if it could cause mental, emotional or physical harm. If the situation arises and help is needed, you can do a few of the following.
First off, you can help your stepchildren. Only do this if your step kids ask for help. If your stepson or stepdaughter asks for help, do what you can and only what you’re asked for. Don’t go above and beyond for them. Do what you minimally can and only what was asked for you. After the problem is solved, return to what you were doing.
Secondly, remember that you’re not alone. You can always ask other family members in your own home to help you out. Although many parenting styles exist, co-parenting is always the best parenting style to follow. If your step son or step daughter asks for help, ask a different family member to help them instead of you.
Also, remember that the family unit extends beyond your own home. In many cases, an ex-wife or an ex-husband exists. If your step son or step daughter asks for help, maybe you can ask your partner’s ex-wife or an ex-husband to help them instead.
Distancing yourself from stepchildren – How do you deal with grown stepchildren?
As said above in this article, usually, your new stepchildren are old enough to take care of themselves. In fact, your new step children might already be adults. If this is the case, then you can be firmer with your new step children if they treat you with disrespect. You need some parent aged ways and quotes on how to get out of this bad situation.
Distancing yourself from stepchildren – How to get a grown stepchild to move out?
You can try to get your adult stepchildren to move out. You deserve to feel safe and loved in your own home. As well, your adult stepchildren deserve to feel loved and safe in their own home. Try to show this to them by suggesting that they get a place where they will be away from you and they will be free to be themselves.
You decide how involved you want to be in this process. You can help your adult stepchildren find a place, help them move in, or more. Just don’t be too pushy or you might come off as the bad guy. Make this option feel like the only option.
This process of moving out might be harder for your partner, which would be your step child’s biological parent. Ensure your spouse that this is better for everyone and that letting go is a natural part of life.
Distancing yourself from stepchildren – How can you avoid feeling like you’re a stepmother?
It’s common, with fairy tale reoccurrences, if you don’t want to feel like your a stepmother. Luckily for you, there are many resources available that can help you out. For example, there are many stepmom support groups that meet on a regular basis. As well, there is more than one podcast that helps stepmothers deal with their stepchildren. If you start feeling physically well from the abuse that you get from your stepchildren, talk to a medical professional as they can prescribe you some meds.
Distancing yourself from stepchildren – In conclusion
Of course, you should always try to get along with your stepchildren when you enter a new relationship and start a blended family. However, if your stepchildren shun you, you aren’t obliged to try and be their best friend. Sometimes, it’s better for both sides if you detach yourself from your stepchildren. Just make sure you talk with your partner about what your doing, he is a part of the family unit after all.