Dealing with an avoidant person who has an attachment avoidance style can be quite stressful and exhausting.
They withdraw the moment they notice that things are getting too serious for them, when they can no longer bear it.
If someone you like is suffering from this condition, you’re probably wondering how to get an avoidant to chase you. What are some ways to get an avoidant to chase you?
Now comes the hard part, which is how to get the fugitive to chase you and dedicate his time to you. Well, before we answer this question, it’s important to know what exactly is attachment theory.
What is attachment theory and what are some of the attachment styles?
Attachment styles refer to the emotional connections that people have with each other. It’s mainly focused on romantic relationships, especially a long term relationship, but it can also describe intimate relationships in general.
We know that attachment theory isn’t something we normally think about, but we should know the most important facts about it because it affects our lives in many ways.
Let us return now to your question. If you’re wondering what to do to an avoidant, to solve your problem, we bring you a few proven methods that will surely help you.
1. Don’t chase him
What happens when you stop chasing the avoidant? Chasing him is something you should NEVER do. He thinks that someone else can’t understand him so he likes to be alone with his thoughts for a while.
That way he feels better. He also avoids any physical intimacy and will use his distancing strategies whenever he sees you trying to take your relationship to the next level.
Let him do it. Don’t chase him. I guarantee he’ll be back after a while. He’ll want to keep in touch with you the way it used to be. If he cares, and we believe he does, he’ll be back.
This state of avoiding you doesn’t say that he doesn’t want to be with you, only that he wants to be alone at the moment. It’s up to you whether you want to accept it and have a lot of patience.
2. Always leave a dose of mystery
We totally agree that in a healthy relationship you need to be able to communicate openly. However, that doesn’t mean you have to tell him every little thing about yourself. Become a little secret, just like him.
If you really want to get yourself an avoidant man who avoids you, you have to keep something to yourself. You need to keep a little mystery alive in your relationship. Encourage him to be more interested.
This will keep him interested in you. He’ll appreciate you more. You’re a woman, play the game!
3. Waiting game
Suddenly he moved away from you and now, what are you doing? You start thinking about calling him or following in his footsteps.
Wrong and wrong. Your only choice is to wait. Wait for him to take the next step. You can do it.
Don’t waste time lying in bed with the phone and waiting for his call all day. In addition to the relationship, you also have a life and your own needs. Dedicate yourself to you. There’s no need to force anything.
You have your interests. You have other people in your life who are important and now would be an ideal time to dedicate yourself to them.
You have to win the waiting game because that’s the point of the whole situation, remember?
4. Pause your social media activities
One of the reasons he behaves evasively is because of social media. There’s so much pressure and sometimes he just can’t stand it.
It’s even worse if you’re very active on your social networks and if you want to publish every moment you share.
You need to be aware that he has a shy personality. He doesn’t like people commenting on his photos, or exposing himself in public.
Also, when you’re currently in such a situation, pausing your activities on social media will make him curious about where you are and what you’re doing. He’ll be more interested.
As you’re used to it, it’s going to get weird when it’s gone. But soon you’ll feel nothing.
Don’t share your photos or post your location. This will surely make him contact you.
5. Boost his ego
His ego is associated with low self-esteem. That’s certainly the reason why he withdraws in such a way.
He thinks he’s not good enough to be with you, so it’s better for him to distance himself from you.
If you help him feel good about himself and boost his ego, you’ll make him insanely attracted to you. This is because he’ll realize he can’t survive without you.
Don’t kill him further, just show him you’re here, and he’s sure to start appreciating it.
You need to make sure he knows he’s the only man in your love life. You should always make sure that he knows how you feel about him.
Do you want to know the three secrets of how to navigate anxious-avoidant relationships or how to handle avoidant partners?
Know that you’re future anticipation focused
This phrase means you live in the future. What happens is that you live in the future so you have to fill in the gaps you feel. You’re not present with the man right in front of you or the signals he’s sending you.
By doing this, you’re more married to his potential, who he is, and not to him. You have to stop waiting for the future, and you have to learn to be here in the present, and live it. Think, analyze, but only this moment where you are now.
Know that he’s scared of intimacy
We try to get as little as possible, or with as much as possible, depending on how you see it. Such is the case with his desire for intimacy, but he’s afraid of it.
For him, intimacy is much safer when he’s somehow at a distance. He’s afraid of being captured. He has a fear of intimacy or that he’ll be caught and restricted in some way.
Become more familiar with how an Avoidant works
This is important. It has a lot to do with complete acquaintance, like the way avoidance works.
Do you see that he avoids irregular communication? This is because he’s afraid of revealing himself when caught off guard or that he’s afraid he’ll say something wrong.
If you know the source of his avoidance, it’s easier to come up with a plan on how to get the avoidant to change his mindset and go after you.
Avoidant attachment style
Usually these types of people are most likely to avoid any commitment because they think they’ll lose their freedom after entering into a romantic relationship.
They put their needs first and ignore their partner’s emotions, which is why many dating experts will say that they’re similar to narcissists.
They love their independence and aren’t interested in long-term relationships. It’s simply their attitude.
Many of them jump from one relationship to another because it’s difficult for them to show any kind of emotion towards their other person.
1. Anxious attachment style
What’s interesting about this type of avoider is that they’re not afraid to dedicate themselves to the person and don’t avoid being serious with someone. They’re just very insecure in their relationship. They don’t hide it.
Someone with this style of attachment is probably already often deceived.
They’re aware that words mean nothing if you can’t substantiate them with deeds, so it’s difficult for them to trust their romantic partner. They expect the other person to be similar, without any adjustment.
2. Fearful-avoidant attachment style
Someone with this style of attachment is almost always in a close relationship and is constantly worried that their romantic partner will leave or that they’ll be cheated on.
Their level of anxiety and avoidance is quite high and they rarely show their vulnerable side to their partner. They’re withdrawn, and they don’t want to show what they really think and feel.
From all the above, you certainly have a lot of questions, to which you don’t know the answer. We bring you a few answers to your questions, we believe it will help you or at least make it a little easier.
Do Avoidants fall in love?
Yes, people with an avoidant style of attachment may fall in love with you. These people aren’t love avoidant.
Just be cautious if you want to date an avoidant as the relationship will be slow and uncertain. You see, avoiding a partner is quite embarrassing, he loves you but he also avoids you.
They just need to try to understand, open up to anyone, whether it’s a loved one or someone else from their social circle.
All in all, they need a little time, so don’t take it personally. Such people may like it more than a different personality type, but they just don’t show it.
Can Avoidants have successful relationships?
It may seem quite challenging, but people with an anxious attachment style can end up having successful relationships. The key to establishing this type of relationship is mutual respect and understanding.
It’s difficult to understand such a person, especially if one gets the impression that this person is a narcissist, who thinks only of themself and their needs. However, this isn’t the case.
Also, you need to accept your avoidant partner. Try to understand and at the same time recognize that you also have needs. Decide whether you can tolerate such a relationship.
What are the consequences of chasing an avoidant?
When a person makes you chase them, they lose interest because they know they have you, so they lose desire.
You crave intimacy, love, and affection. By that person avoiding you, it creates that feeling in you even more.
The consequences can be that your feelings will fade and you may get emotionally tired of waiting for something to happen in return. This can affect your mental health.
Do Avoidants want to be chased?
People with a frightening style of avoiding attachment want close relationships, but they feel uncomfortable relying on others and are afraid of being betrayed or deceived.
If your partner avoids, you may need to “chase” him. It depends on the person whether they like to be “haunted” by someone. In most cases, he enjoys the feeling of being wanted.
What happens when you stop chasing the avoidant?
If you stop chasing, it will give him space to turn around and move towards you. We know it’s easier said than done, but give it a try.
The worst move you can make in response to someone not showing up in your relationship is to chase him. Chasing, nine times out of ten, causes him to run away.
It’s a lost game of cat and mouse almost every time. The more you go after a person begging, begging, crying, screaming, embarrassed, silent, etc. in an effort to show that person that you want them, the more that person will refuse to show up, it’s just like that.
You can chase until you’re exhausted, tired, and ready to fall apart, and it still won’t make the other person join you for just a moment. It’s simply not a solution. Remember: a cold attitude attracts!
How do you attract an avoidant?
When a guy is troubled by avoidance, it’s like a small voice in his head saying that he’s acting this way because he doesn’t want to lose his freedom in a romantic relationship. He’ll often believe it completely.
These can be the consequences of the past, such as control issues from former relationships or from his parents.
As a result, men who have an avoid based problem harass people who are emotionally unavailable.
Ultimately, when someone shows that they don’t care too much, avoidance feels more appealing, like a magnet.
They’re freely persecuted because there seems to be no danger of the situation developing into something too serious. This is a defense mechanism on their part.
They make horrible choices to go out with people who don’t care about them, to avoid falling too deeply in love and get a truly broken heart.
So how do you seduce such people? No method other than rejection is difficult but try it. Turn the tables around and be the one to avoid the relationship, at least for a while.
How to get an Avoidant to chase you – Conclusion
When it comes to different attachment styles, anxious partner avoidance is very odd. It’s difficult to say whether such people want to be in a relationship, which can lead to great sadness and bad feelings.
Once you know how to deal with your partner, it’s not as hard as you think. If you love that person, you’ll overcome everything.
Such a situation doesn’t have to be long-term, it can be a period because of which that person feels so closed and avoids both you and everyone around you.
With all that said, we hope this article has provided you with much-needed information. Relationships are a two-way street. Don’t chase your partner because he doesn’t appear in the relationship the way you want him to. Change your moves instead. Your power is in you, not over him.
Focus where you have the power. Don’t chase. Call, ask, set limits, stay, go or accept, just don’t chase. Raise the ladder in your life and expect that if someone is truly in love, he’ll join you.
Be prepared to leave if not. Avoiding behavior in relationships can be complicated to endure, especially if you’re really in love with your avoidant partner.
It’ll be one of the hardest relationships you can be in, but if you think it’s worth it for you, you’ll find ways to endure. Just put yourself first.
Being with a partner who avoids emotions will require a tremendous level of understanding to be able to be okay with the fact that your partner will have moments where he will have to take time off.
There are also ways to make him miss you when avoiding becomes a game. Hopefully, you’ll figure out what to do after putting the information from this article into action.