My husband wants a polyamorous relationship

My husband wants a polyamorous relationship: What to do?

7 mins read

Society and loving relationships evolve together, so what might seem outrageous before, perhaps today may go unnoticed. Many marriages and stable couples have a hard time carrying out a monogamous relationship, so they try other forms of bonds like open relationships, ethical non monogamy or casual relationships without a prominent primary partner. They fall in love or just enjoy sexual relationships with an open mind and no strings attached. Currently, many couples carry out a polyamorous relationship, this means that each member of the couple can have romantic relationships with other people. That is not considered infidelity because everything is agreed upon beforehand.

Today many women are surprised to reveal: “My husband wants a polyamorous relationship”. If this is your case, you should know that you can decide how your marriage continues. You should consider these different options.

My husband wants a polyamorous relationship – your options   

What is a polyamorous throuple relationship

Agree with him and go poly   

If you want, you can agree to have a polyamorous relationship within your marriage. Which means you and him can have romantic relationships and sex with other people. This is not a betrayal or infidelity, as you both agreed to this kind of bond.

Polyamorous or consensual non-monogamous relationships are often very complicated but can be honest and rewardingly open loving relationships that include multiple poly people. 

Be honest with yourself, if you like this new polyamorous kind of relationship you have in your marriage, you should enjoy the ride and ignore any outside criticism that might arise because of the choices you make.

However, not everyone is cut out for a poly person. Many women that try to go poly don’t succeed. Either they realize that dating other men while remaining in a devoted single relationship is not their cup of tea or they simply don’t find anyone else attractive. Obviously, if you realize that you don’t want it, tell your husband that you can no longer have a polyamorous relationship, simply because you didn’t like it. Maybe you want a monogamous partner. Then you should meditate if you want to stay married to him or if it’s better to separate.

What is relationship anarchy - who are relationship anarchists

You agree that only your husband is polyamorous

You don’t want to be polyamorous, you don’t want to relate to other men outside of your marriage and you are ready to accept that your husband may devote some of his time to other persons. In that case, you can remain in your marriage with the role you have.  

Mono-poly relationships can be very challenging. It all comes down to the ability of partners to accept one another’s needs.

You still understand your husband and you agree that he’s dating other women. As time goes on you will notice if you can tolerate this situation. If you can, perfect, continue your marriage.  

On the other hand, if you can’t tolerate it, you must be clear about it to yourself and to your partner. Ask your husband if he wants to have a monogamous relationship again. If he wants to remain polyamorous, you can consider divorce.

My husband wants a polyamorous relationship and I don’t: Option 3 – divorce

Your husband asks you that he wants to have a polyamorous relationship and you don’t agree, because you think a stable couple should be monogamous. The fact that he wants to have a polyamorous relationship means he can no longer stand monogamy. That’s reason enough to get divorced.  

The best thing that can happen to you is to separate. Surely he will find a woman who wants to have a polyamorous relationship or go Solo Poly or do whatever the hell he wants. And you will find a man who agrees with your values.

Is he poly or relationship anarchist?

Your husband may be relationship anarchist – he may feel being able to love one or several people at the same time, without putting any label established by society, to that relationship. You can find out more about relationship anarchy here.

He may even want your relationship to evolve towards the polyamorous throuple relationship, an emotional, usually sexual, or intimate committed relationship between three people.

what is solo poly - solo polyamorous

Poly or not – the most important thing is: You choose!

One day you are faced with a new proposal: “My husband wants a polyamorous relationship”. You may struggle with the revelation that your husband considers or wants to go poly. While you may have your position on the matter it is also important to take his feelings into consideration. You may ask yourself – can a polyamorous person be happy in a monogamous relationship? And if your husband feels polyamorous – is he still the one for you?   

In some cases, this idea will take you by surprise. Maybe you like it, maybe it induces shock and repulsion. Maybe you don’t know what to do. Whatever your decision may be, the most important thing is that you follow your heart and be honest with yourself.  

If you agree to have a polyamorous relationship, accept your husband’s proposal. You have to accept because you like the idea, not because you feel pressured by your husband. You matter and the only person you may owe anything is yourself.   

If the idea of having a polyamorous relationship doesn’t sound just right, tell your husband. Share your feelings and take all the time you need to see where you stand and how you feel. 

If you don’t agree, divorce may be the best solution. Don’t be afraid, just stay true to yourself and the way you feel. 

We are Free To Live, an online magazine to give advice, help, and point to the sunny side of life for all those living fast-paced lives, packed with burdens of stress and anxiety.

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