Narcissistic discard is when a toxic person with narcissistic tendencies completely breaks off their toxic relationship with you. You can often feel like you have been exploited and rejected.
In this article, we’ll teach you how to recognize such people, so that you can protect yourself. These are the stages of narcissistic relationships.
Narcissistic relationships often start suddenly and quickly. The person will seem like someone special and will make you feel unique. They will win you over very quickly. Whether it’s romantic, professional, or otherwise, the relationship will develop quickly.
You won’t even realize everything that’s happening at first. This can be dangerous as narcissistic relationships will ultimately fall apart sooner rather than later.
What Is The Narcissist’s Discard?
Narcissistic rejection is when a person with narcissistic tendencies completely breaks off their relationship with you. You can often feel like you have been exploited and rejected.
In this article, we’ll teach you how to recognize such people, so that they can protect themselves in time. These are the stages of narcissistic relationships or covert narcissist
Stage 1. Respect:
Narcissistic relationships often start hot and fast. The person will seem like someone special and will make you feel unique. They’ll win you over very quickly. Whether it’s romantic, professional, or otherwise, the relationship will develop quickly. You won’t even realize for a while that everything is accelerating.
However, this can be because you’re desperate to be in a relationship and have a strong urge to be acknowledged and loved by someone.
Stage 2. Depreciation:
Eventually, a person with narcissistic tendencies will begin to separate you from others and find faults in you. This is most likely to happen because you have no set boundaries with the narcissistic person.
They’ll set you up against others by telling you why the other person is better than you. They’ll try in every way to lower your self-worth. They’ll put you out, distorting your sense of reality, and blame you for the trouble it causes you.
Stage 3. Repetition: You’ll feel confused, anxious, depressed, and try to be good enough to please your narcissistic partner. If you try to withdraw, you’ll react out of hurt and anger, but then the cycle of appreciation and depreciation will start again. You’ll be in a circle all the time.
Stage 4. Rejection: The narcissistic culprit will use you for personal gain. When you’re no longer of use to them, they’ll reject you. Just like that. Very simple…
Signs Of An Incoming Narcissistic Discard
Narcissistic rejection can take different forms and occurs at different times for different types of people. Each person is different, but it’s inevitable for those in a relationship with a narcissist that rejection will occur.
Let’s start from the beginning to see how we will get to the rejection phase.
Narcissists need praise and ego strengthening, so they’ll very likely reject you before they find a new partner and new relationship. Narcissists are always looking for someone new.
If your partner is preoccupied with messages and phone calls from friends or colleagues you weren’t aware of before, and constantly posts about their life on social media, that’s probably the first sign of impending rejection.
It doesn’t always mean this, but keep this possibility in mind.
Attachment comes to a squeak
Even when the narcissist belittles and controls your every move, they’ll surely give you an occasional compliment or a kind gesture just to keep you on the hook. Just to know that you’re there and that you can always be there.
We’ve said that in such people their ego is an important factor. When they’re ready to reject you, those positive actions are completely absent. You no longer serve their purpose.
They stop trying
Narcissists are experts in controlling their world and in controlling everything around them. However, that control requires serious effort.
Lies that tell you about yourself and yourself need consistency to stay convincing. When the rejection phase comes, they don’t even try to keep their lies clear. They have absolutely no benefit from you. It sounds ugly yes, but you’re here to hear the truth.
They put in zero effort
Narcissists see no value even in giving you attention at any time of the day. Everything with a narcissist is exclusively “transactional”. If they can’t get anything from you, they certainly won’t give you anything.
If a Narcissist isn’t trying to manipulate and get something from you, then they’ll not bother to waste their energy by pretending and keeping up with false pretensions. This is because they don’t see the point in it.
All this effort will be focused on lovingly bombarding new supplies and extracting energy, because such people don’t know otherwise, they just work that way.
Not making an effort is also a way for the narcissist to repeat their belief that they’re everything and you’re nothing, which is their own completely false delusion.
They’re emotionally void
I mean, let’s be honest, narcissists are emotional voids at their best. However, in the beginning, they could create a false image of themselves. They present themselves as they’re not. They showed us a person who cared a little and acted empathy where needed. We naturally got used to it and started to believe it until we discovered their real face.
Then things changed and the switch in them flipped.
Now, during the narcissist rejection phase, you won’t even blink an eyelid to cry. They’re devoid of any real human emotion and are completely untouched by the fact that they’re the cause of your pain and tears. They just don’t feel it, they don’t care.
The fact that they mean so much to you and have so much control over you only confirms their ego even more.
If the narc knows the end is near, they can’t bear the thought that anyone else knows any truth about who they are.
They’ll also manipulate your memories and reality in such a way that it will turn out that you’re solely to blame for the narcissistic emotional abuse or hoovering and everything else that they inflict on you.
In fact, in the world of narcissism delusion, they actually believe they’re the victim and you’re the abuser. This is the level of mental disorder we’re dealing with here. You need to know that.
What Causes A Narcissist To Discard?
According to a 2017 study, people with narcissistic personality disorder (npd) often have trouble maintaining long-term relationships. It seems like the only relationship that a narcissist can handle are abusive relationships. They tend to use people to support their sense of self, often due to a lack of parental affection in childhood. That may not be the reason, but in most cases it is. They think of others as objects of rejection when they’re no longer useful. They don’t experience anything that a human being would because they simply try not to have emotions.
Some of the reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might reject you:
You’re too heavy to be easily controlled.
They easily manipulated you, which is why they look down on you.
You no longer stimulate their ego, so they have switched to someone else who can supply what they need to make them feel better.
You may no longer be able to help them with their life goals, so they have found someone who can do much better than you.
They feel they can “get up” and move on to someone “better” in some dysfunctional way.
Why Do Narcissists Discard You?
We have now explained what it means to “reject neoga”, i.e. to get rid of something that’s no longer useful or desirable to you. This is exactly what narcissists do to people in their lives when they no longer feel that a person is adding value to them.
If you’ve ever been rejected, it can feel personal. One day you think the relationship is going well, or at least it’s improving from the lowest level, and the next day you get rejected. Just when you believe that something is good and that it has finally started you’re then thrown aside.
When you’re the one who gets rejected, it’s hard not to think that you’re responsible for this rejection. However, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s the fault of the narcissist and has nothing to do with you. So why do narcissists make the decision to reject you? What’s their goal? Why do they do it?
When you’re with a narcissist, you don’t provide company and love in the sense that relationships can thrive. With such a person you can only go back. Instead, for the narcissist, you’re there to feed their egos, increase their self-esteem, and feed their narcissist offerings.
You’re the reason why they exist because they can’t do any of it on their own. On the surface, they act competently and confidently. However, deep down, they’re fragile, broken and very complex. So by lowering you and mentally abusing you they use your weakness to meet their needs because they can’t do it on their own.
A narcissist will treat you as if you’re the most important person in their life and will shower you with love and gifts. However, this is only intended to keep you close, not with the intention of making you feel better. The goal is to draw you into a relationship and to be a new source of narcissistic supply. We won’t insult them, but we can freely compare a narcissist to a parasite. They’re there because your “blood” is delicious and they need it for life.
However, all good things must come to an end and few things can serve as a stock forever.
You can always break up with them first. When the narcissist feels that you no longer serve them, they’ll reject you. That would be best for you. Narcissists lack empathy, which prevents them from understanding how their words affect others. I can’t put myself in someone else’s position and realize that I can be brutal and mean. Maybe sometimes they aren’t even aware of it.
What Is The Discard Phase?
The rejection phase is when the narcissist has essentially lost all interest in you and it happens when they realize that you’re not living in accordance with the perfection they once thought it was.
That’s when they can’t stand absolutely anything from you, not even the sound of your voice. Everything you say, everything you do, is painful and absolutely torture.
There are certain phrases that narcissists use and the ways they express things that are eerily familiar to anyone who has ever encountered them.
Here are some of the most common things you could say and at what stages of the relationship to expect them. We hope this makes it easier to prepare for them.
1. The idealization stage
Relationships with narcissists move very fast. Faster than you can imagine.
In the first few weeks, narcissists will say heart warming things like:
“You’re my soulmate.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you before. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”
“You understand me much better than anyone else.”
“Fate is that we met.”
“You’re the closest person I have.”
“We don’t need anyone else.”
“You’re so kind, creative, smart, beautiful, and perfect.”
2. The devaluation stage
Once the narcissist catches its prey, they begin to show their true selves over time. Here, insults and humiliations begin to slide into what they say.
They suddenly criticize things about their partner that they seemed to love. What they say is part of their scheme to break their partner’s trust and shake their self-respect. If I don’t have it, why would you have it?
During this phrase, a narcissist can say some heartbreaking things:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Without me there would be no one.”
“That’s right. Insecure.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“You get on my nerves every day.”
“Your tears don’t affect me. Why are you crying?”
“I don’t care about you.”
“You’re so manipulative.”
They’ll probably also start explaining their behavior, looking for justification in everything. Like:
“I’m like this because my parents were so mean to me.”
“I had a difficult childhood filled with domestic violence.”
“My ex cheated on me.”
“Love is just hard. We have to work on it.”
“This is how I act because I’m afraid of losing you.”
“You have to stop being so selfish / careless / busy with other people.”
“Think of me.”
“You can’t blame me, you know I have a problem.”
They’ll also try to devalue everything their victim loves, such as interests, hobbies, and family. They’ll insult all they can, saying:
“I don’t like your best friends, they’re not good enough for you.”
“You like that? That’s awful.”
“I can’t believe you enjoy doing this.”
A narcissist will do anything to make you feel like you can’t live without them.
Narcissists will also play to their advantage, especially if they’re older than their victim or have done them a great favor. Whatever they can play for superiority, they’ll use it to subvert the other side.
3. The discard phase
When a narcissist completely “wears out” their victim, they discard them. To metaphorically say, sucking all the blood out of their victim like a parasite does. This may be because they have simply found someone new to abuse.
In any case, at this stage their insults will reach the worst level and they’ll find more ways to bring down their partner, and they justify it in a way that they’ll emerge victorious.
They’ll throw poison at their victim, such as:
“Everyone hates you.”
“You’re a bad person.”
“No one else will ever love you.”
“I’m the best you’ll ever have.”
“You did this to yourself.”
The only way to escape from narcissistic insults and threats is to escape from them and run fast and far. Nothing will ever change, things will only get worse.
3 Things To Help You Get Over The Narcissist Discard
Breaking up with a narcissist, or even having a breakup with them, isn’t pleasant, it’s not easy, it’s not accommodating, it’s not reasonable, it’s not mature, and it’s certainly not something you can just click your fingers and easily get over.
In general, it’s very difficult to initiate, especially when you’re with such a person.
That’s why it’s so important to know the following six things to help you get over it.
Number One – Get Clear About Your Values And Truths
The first thing you really need to do is to start being clearer about your values and your truths. Aware of who you really are. You have to do this because it’s very difficult to accept the end of a narcissistic relationship.
There has been so much trauma bond here, but it can be easier to accept the end of a terrible relationship when you become clear that that person has never represented your values and your truths. Just imagine how much you’ll finally start breathing better after a while.
You can be so preoccupied with a rhyme relationship, that you just forget who you are, what you want, and what you believe in. You know neither your values nor your truths. So, in rejection, it can be very good to sit down and list the things that hurt you that you received from the narcissist.
Now it’s finally your time to break free, to heal, and to recover. Next time you’ll be able to choose and participate in human relationships that have the basics and ability to be healthy. You deserve that.
Number Two – Turning Inwards To Consolidate Your Relationship With Yourself
Number two refers to turning inward to strengthen your relationship with yourself. After so much time, you need to get to know yourself to move on.
As much as you begin to logically realize how important number one is, your values and your truths, it’s likely that some part of you has been forced to feel horribly, anxious, scared, completely lost, and unloved by being rejected.
This is normal, but it can be treated easily. The process begins by turning all the focus that was directed towards the narcissist towards yourself.
What this leaves you with is the only person you have the power to change, and that is you. Only you. As much as the narcissistic abuse was very hard for you to go through, you now have an amazing opportunity to finally focus on what’s important, and that’s you.
Number Three – Accept This Person Was A Catalyst
The third important point is to restore your soul, gain your peace, and realize what you have at your disposal in life.
Once you commit to your inner healing, you’ll discover patterns that have happened in your life. We can have great patterns, which means things in our lives that just flow and work. We’ll put more focus on the people who mean something to us, who have been around us all the time, but we may not have noticed because there were some bigger problems around us.
Some patterns are good. Such good patterns can include what your talents are or what you’re good at doing. However, there may be areas in your life that have bad patterns. Such bad pattern include what you need to work on or what you need to strengthen.
I totally believe that narcissists appear in our lives due to our painful patterns. These people find us, target us, and hurt us where we’re most hurt, that is, where we’re most vulnerable.
However, it may be enough now that such people continue to come into your lives. So set yourself up differently and don’t take them near you anymore. Simply, no contact with narc, is the right way to go.
How Does A Narcissist Love?
As we have said so far, narcissists can show passion in the early stages of a relationship. However, that kind of passion is always focused on their own expectations and their own fantasies. It’s love not for another person, but for themselves. Such relationships provide positive attention and sexual satisfaction to support the narcissist’s ego and self-esteem. They need this in a relationship to live the way they want, because of some of their hidden intentions. They play the game, and victory is the goal.
They’re engaged, energetic, and possess emotional intelligence that helps them perceive, express, understand, and manage emotions. It helps them manipulate people to win their love and admiration. They can show great interest in romantic looks and seduce with generosity, expressions of love, romance, and promises of devotion.
“Narcissists in love” are skillful and persuasive lovers and can have many conquests and yet remain single. Some narcissists lie and / or practice bombardment of love by flooding their prey with verbal, physical, and material expressions of love.
Narcissists lose interest in how the expectation of intimacy increases or when they win their game and fulfill their goal. Many have trouble maintaining a relationship for more than six months to several years. In order to maintain control, they avoid intimacy and prefer domination and superiority over others.
When we love, we show active care for the lives and growth of ourselves and our partner. We try to understand their experience and worldview, although it may differ from ours. Caring includes providing attention, respect, support, compassion, and acceptance to the person as they are. We need to dedicate the necessary time and discipline towards our partner. Romantic love can evolve into love, but narcissists aren’t motivated to really know and understand others, only themselves.
Narcissists lack empathy. They don’t want to recognize the feelings and needs of others, i.e. they don’t want to. Therefore, their ability to respond appropriately emotionally and express concern is significantly impaired.
Narcissists have three obstacles when it comes to love.
First, they see neither themselves nor others clearly. They perceive people as extensions of themselves, not separate individuals with different needs, desires, and feelings.
Second, they overestimate their own emotional empathy.
Third, their defense distorts their perception and interaction with others.
All of these problems impair the narcissist’s ability to accurately understand another person’s reality, including that person’s love for them.
In fact, narcissists ’emotional intelligence helps them manipulate and exploit others to get what they want, while their weakened emotional empathy desensitizes them to the pain they inflict.
Therefore, we can say that people with such characteristics can’t love others because their love for themselves is stronger than anything.
How To Deal With A Narcissist Discard
The person you like or love isn’t what you imagined them to be. It’s extremely heartbreaking to witness and feel the anger of a completely different person coming to you so much that it’s causing intentional pain. In fact, the more pain they see, the happier they seem. That’s awful.
Although at this point you may feel lost, you’ll only find a way to recovery if you distance yourself from such people. You need to believe that this is the only and right way.
As you work on your own healing, you become stronger and smarter. Over time, narcissistic energy can no longer affect you.
You have the opportunity to step into your own power and be completely independent. No one can ever have any power over you again.
You really need to know this. Recovery is to try to explore everything about a narcissist after rejection and hope that time and external circumstances will heal the wounds and have a silent treatment on you. Just time. Nothing else remains.
Narcissistic abuse and the consequences of narcissistic abuse aren’t like trying to recover from a normal relationship, especially after a cruel rejection. A narcissist relationship is a little different and much more painful. It’s very difficult to get out of it peacefully.
Wondering if a narcissist loves you is the wrong question. While it’s wise to understand such minds, partners focus excessively on the narcissist to their detriment. Instead, ask yourself if you feel valued, respected, and cared for.
Do you meet your needs? If not, how does it affect you and your self-esteem and what can you do about it? If you can’t change others or the situation, you can always change yourself.
Narcissistic abuse is a serious attack on the tissue of your inner identity, which is why so many people are shocked for years after the rejection because they’re lost in the dark of trauma. You get lost because you begin to believe what the narcissist has been telling you persistently.
Narcissistic abuse is the experience of creation or interruption. However, the nice thing is that as part of this community you have the ability to turn your terrible breakdown into the most magnificent discoveries. You have the opportunity to emerge victorious. Take care of your mental health to avoid serious health issues.
We hope this has really helped you and that you believe that there’s a way out of such a relationship.